Quitting on The One Yard Line

"Most people give up just when they're about to acheive success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown." -- H. Ross Perot

When I was in nursing school (in Taiwan), I used to sing in the College of Medicine Chorus. One Spring Break we went on a trip to The Tai Chi Gorge, where we had to hike on slippery wet boulders down to the deep valley by the river, or climb up the rocky hills on roped ladders -- with no harness, mind you. (If my over-protective parents knew this, they would've freaked out!) Every night we were exhausted by the bonfire. And then some guys who also belonged to the Mountaineer Club decided to tell us the horror stories of how another college's Mountaineer Club encountered a major typhoon (hurricaine) while trying to climb one of the toughest mountains in Taiwan, and how most of them died of exposure -- one guy was found only a couple hundred feet from the cabin. The storm must've been too severe for him to see how close he was from safety. It's the kind of story that gives you goose bumps, especially when you are deep in the mountains yourself.

I kept thinking, even now, "If only that guy kept on walking (or crawling) for a little longer, he would've found the cabin and survived." And I can't help but think: "What if that was me? Would I have survived?"

How do you prevent yourself from "quitting on the one yard line"? I think there are some elements you need:

• Be very clear about your vision and goal
• Remind yourself WHY you want to achieve this goal
• Have a step-by-step action plan
• Up your mental toughness
• Record & celebrate your progress
• Get support from others: friends, family, your life coach
• Change your attitude toward frustration, rejection and failures
• Never give up

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Taking Risks: The Missing Ingredient

RISK! The Missing Ingredient: Talent + Hard Work + Willingness to Risk = Realized Potential

That was the title of the Opening Keynote by Madeleine Homan, MCC, at the International Coach Federation New York City chapter's annual conference in September 2005. I felt very excited and blessed to be in the presence of so many great coaches. There were many thought-provoking lectures and workshops that day, but I was most moved and inspired by Ms. Homan's speech (not to mention that she sang the song "No Day But Today", one of my favorite, from the broadway show "Rent" at the end of her speech.... let's face it, it takes real gut to sing in front of 400 people!)

I'd like to share what I learned from her speech with you. Ms. Homan said that the four major reasons people don't take risks (in life, business, relationships, etc) are: fear of change (the primary reason), fear of it being too hard & eats your life, fear of judgement (from other people), and fear of failure (particularly common for people who are already successful in some way). How many of these can you identify within yourself? I can certainly relate to one or more of these in different aspects & events in my own life.

Most people are afraid of changes. We'd rather keep the status quo (even if the situation is bad), because it is familiar and it's easier to stay in our "comfort zone". However, to make positive changes we need to first change our mindset about change. We need to be aware of what we are letting go (of old things or people or beliefs), and the reason we are letting go of these is to make room for new/better things.

Taking risks does not mean jumping blindly off a cliff without a safety net or a parachute. Although John Burroughs said "Leap, and the net will appear", Ms. Homan suggested building a pair of wings before jumping off a cliff. She said, you can certainly build your wings on your way down -- but at least build the infrastructure of the wings before you jump.

There are things you can do to make taking risks a little easier. For example, if you are afraid of failure or tackling something way too hard for you, do your homework, prepare yourself before you take the risks, get help (borrow or pay for as much expertise as you can), build a support community (friends, family, your life coach) that will support you & advocate for you, make realistic goals (but don't forget to dream bigger too), do the "inner work" so that you can honor your values and intuition (the "small still voice" inside of you). Basically, if you build a safety net to support your new endeavor, you won't be so paralyzed by the thought of taking risks that you can't move forward.

Another point she made was courage. The original meaning of the word "courage" is "the ability to stand by one's heart". She stressed that as coaches, we need to be a role model for our clients, and that we're paid to challenge our clients, including in the area of courage. Even if you are not a coach, this applies to you too. No matter what your job/role is (be it a parent or teacher or manager or friend), you need to be a role model for someone else.

I was thinking about her speech over the weekend, this came to mind and I'd like to share with you. I don't know if you've watched the movie "Legally Blonde 2" from a few years ago. My daughter loved that movie because it's funny and cute. Although the movie wasn't Oscar-worthy in any way, there was a message from that movie that spoke to my heart. In the movie the main character Elle Woods got a chance to address the congress and she told a story of her own experience. She waited for months to get an appointment at this very expensive and prestigious salon. Unfortunately, the hair stylist didn't cut her hair the way she wanted it, then they used the wrong solution to perm her hair -- it was a total disaster. The whole time she kept quiet, too afraid to speak up because it was THE most expensive, prestigious salon and she thought they know better than she did. Needless to say, she ended up with a ridiculous haircut and feeling terrible for herself.

The moral of the story is, things happened the way they did because she did not participate actively in the process and did not speak up for herself. At the end of her speech to the congress, she said, "Speak up, or America is in for a really bad haircut!"

Take a moment and think about it. Does your life suffer from "bad haircut" on a regular basis? You know that you are your own advocate. If you don't speak up and stand up for yourself, then who will?

• What events/situations in your life happened because you did NOT speak up for yourself?
• In what areas of your life do you need to demonstrate more courage? Is it your business, relationship, time for yourself, health and emotional well-being?
• In what way do you need to "stand up for your life" (as Cheryl Richardson said)?

Once you identify at least one area of your life that you want to show more courage & take more risks, what can you do to build the safety net (or wings or parachute) before taking the leap of faith? What would be the first step you can take this week to move toward your goal?

March boldly toward your goals and dreams. I'd love to hear from you about your thoughts and your daring new adventure. If you ever need to talk, I'm always here.

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C.P.R. for a Balanced Life

Do you feel over-worked and under-appreciated? Are you struggling to balance work & family? Are you too busy taking care of everyone but never have time for yourself? Whether you want to have more balance, more inner peace, or more time for yourself, I offer these tips in my signature workshop "C.P.R. for a Balanced Life". Here are the key points from my workshop:

C-- Choose Consciously

Most people either live in the past (with regrets or resentment) or in the future (worry about future or putting off being happy until you_fill_in_the_blank). To live a life with balance, inner peace and purpose, you need to live in the present moment, be very clear about what you really want (your vision & dreams), and make conscious choices to honor that intention every single day. And if you "fall off the wagon" (we all do sometimes), don't beat yourself up! Just continue to keep that intention to honor your priorities, and take baby steps to move forward.

P-- Prioritize by Your Core Values

Balance is NOT achieved by dividing your time & energy evenly among every aspect of your life. You need to prioritize and set your goals according to your core values, and use this as a ruler or a filter to measure every request, demand and opportunity that come your way. No matter what your core values are, you need to put "Intensive Self-Care" (i.e. taking good care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually) on top of your list. Self-Care is not a luxury; rather, it's essential for your survival and well-being. It's like putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST when the plane is in trouble.

R-- Reframe Your Perspective

We cannot change what happened in our life, but we CAN change how we look at it, respond to it and thus change how we feel about it. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". The word "Crisis" in Chinese is made up of two characters "Danger" and "Opportunity". There are often opportunities and blessings in disguise in every "crisis" we experience, IF we look for it. In order to have peace, sometimes we also need to let go of something, e.g. perfectionism, being right, trying to control other people, resentment, our "inner critic" or "gremlin messages", etc.

To learn more about how to create more balance, inner peace and purpose in your life, you can listen to my "Coach On Call" interview recording, or download your FREE Intensive Self-Care Kit. This kit contains assessments, tips and tools to help you "resuscitate your life", and it's totally FREE. It's my gift to you, my fellow nurturers.

In order to make permanent life changes, you would need ongoing support. A professional life coach can help you identify your needs and challenges, set realistic goals, map out a step-by-step action plan, and keep you accountable and motivated until you achieve your goals. Visit my website Beyond Horizon Coaching to learn more about coaching and how I can help you achieve work life balance, manage stress, nurture yourself, and create the life you truly desire.

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